Defining Success

A Conversation with My Daughter, Myself and You

As I sat in my studio with my 10-year-old daughter – she needle felting, me wiping the paint off my fingers – I found myself caught off guard by her question: “Mama, what does success mean?”

It was one of those moments that catch you unprepared, like when you’re asked about your five-year plan during a job interview.

I paused…not only because I am acutely aware of my “role model” status with her but also because I have grappled with my own complicated relationship with the word.

And I bet I'm not alone in this struggle.

You see, for a decade now, I've been juggling two very different worlds.

On the one hand, there’s my wildly successful engineer husband — always chasing the next big thing, well-recognized in his industry, blazing new trails and transforming the way things are done.

Grandiose visions that he routinely turns into reality.

On the other hand, there’s me — a not-very-ambitious person labeled as “capable of doing anything” by her parents yet relegated to being a full-time mom with a side-gig of creativity facilitator.

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Episode 2: Never Being Good Enough

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So, what does success really mean?

Is it the corner office and the six-figure salary?

Or is it the warmth in your chest when your child gives you a hug?

Can it be both?

We’re constantly bombarded with messages about success.

Social media feeds us carefully curated images of “perfect” lives, making us feel like we’re falling behind if we don’t have it all.

These meticulously curated vignettes showing success as so pristine, so complete, so unachievable that it threatens to eclipse our own lived experiences.

A fellow creator’s post of a sunlit gallery opening or an artist’s idyllic plein-air retreat in the Tuscan countryside.

These stark contrasts between our messy reality and the polished facades we encounter online can leave us feeling as though we’re perpetually chasing a mirage.

Image created with ChatGPT using text from this writeup

How many of us can truly relate to that picture-perfect Instagram post?

Not me, that’s for sure.

I’ll let you in on the little secret I shared with my daughter that afternoon: Success isn’t a one-size-fits-all concept.

It’s as unique as the laugh lines around our eyes or the stories behind our stretch marks.

For some, success might be designing a breakthrough product or solving a complex problem.

For others, like many of us, success could look completely different.

It might be creating a warm, nurturing environment where family members thrive.

For me, the idea of success has evolved, especially in the last couple of years — perhaps, Covid allowed time for a more profound introspection in 2020 … success is no longer about the managerial title, the big paycheck or the “certificates of accomplishment.”

It’s about being true to myself, following my passions, and making a positive impact on the world.

It’s about finding joy in the small moments, like when I hand out my little tokens of love. It’s appreciating the people in my life and feeling a sense of peace and contentment at the end of the day.

But I’ll be real here for a moment — that warm, fuzzy feeling doesn’t pay the bills.

And here’s where I need to acknowledge my privilege: as a woman whose husband is the primary breadwinner, I have the luxury of pursuing my passions without the pressing need to make ends meet.

This privilege allows me to explore and redefine success on my own terms, a luxury I recognize not everyone has.

However, this privilege comes with its own set of challenges and responsibilities.

As a mother, I’m acutely aware that I’m not just defining success for myself – I’m modeling it for my daughter.

And let me tell you, it’s something I struggle with.

I want her to understand that success can be manifold. That money is only one measure of it.

That inner wealth — the richness of character, emotional intelligence, and personal growth — is truly what defines it.

Success surely isn’t about the number of likes on an Instagram post or how many people recognize you at the grocery store.

It’s about the hard work, dedication, and passion you pour into your work.

It’s about the personal fulfillment you derive from your efforts, the positive impact you have on others, and the wisdom you gain along the way.

And a huge part of being successful, for me, has come from knowing my self-worth.

I have learned to value my own work and contributions, even when they’re not always visible to the outside world.

As a homemaker, my job is never-ending, often thankless, but incredibly vital.

As a creativity facilitator, I connect with women across the country, helping them recognize their own worth and the value of their contributions—not everything warrants a public share.

External validation doesn’t change how I feel about these two profoundly meaningful parts of my life.

Someone might be an Instagram superstar with millions of followers, but most of her neighbors might not even know what she does for a living.

Does that make her success any less valid? Of course not!

On the flip side, you might be working tirelessly on your passion project, with only a handful of people recognizing your efforts.

But if that work fulfills you and aligns with your values, isn’t that a form of success? Sure is!

When I’m crafting a new course or creating a new collection of paintings or painstakingly curating watercolor kits or furiously typing a chapter for my upcoming book, I remind myself that I’m creating something truly valuable — that it needn’t follow anyone else’s timeline or be rushed by what’s trending.

I push myself constantly to refine, improve, and put in the hours needed to make my creations the best they can be.

And you know what? There’s success in that process itself.

There’s success in showing up, in doing the work, in continually learning and growing.

There’s success in being a role model for my daughter, showing her that mom’s work might not make headlines, but it makes a difference.

And for her to know that if I ever do need to support our family financially, I have the skills, the determination and the resilience to do it.

So my friends, I challenge you — no, I implore you — to really think about what success means to you.

Not to your friends or partner, not to society, not to your Facebook followers or Instagram feed — to YOU.

Believe with all your heart that you’re capable of achieving that success.

Then roll up your sleeves and start working towards it, knowing that you’re absolutely worthy of it.

Remember, the most fulfilling kind of success is the one that aligns with your values and brings you joy.

It’s okay if that looks different from what you imagined 20 years ago.

We’re allowed to grow, to change, to redefine ourselves.

This week, why not take a moment to redefine success for yourself?

Write it down, paint it, collage it—whatever speaks to your soul.

Your idea of success doesn't have to look like anyone else's.

Your idea of success doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. Image generated with the help of AI using prompts to make unique rainbows.

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

How do you define success in your life? Let's start a conversation!

XOXO

Mansi.

P.S. Here is my old-soul kiddo’s answer: “Success to me looks like having a circle of trusted friends, hugs from you and knowing that I am capable of doing anything I put my mind to.”