Quiet Spaces, Deep Connections
A New Map for Friendship
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The invitation comes as a text on a Thursday afternoon.
“Hiking on Saturday morning. Want to join us?”
I picture them immediately—in their sports tanks, Élastique leggings, laughter cutting through the early morning air, sweat glistening, conversation weaving seamlessly between parenting, careers, books, and the state of the world.
I don’t hesitate before replying.
“Thanks for thinking of me, but I’ll sit this one out.”
There’s no real reason. No scheduling conflict. No fatigue. No buried resentment or longing. Just… no pull to say yes.
I set my phone down and move on with my day.
The Shape of a Full Life
She moves between art workshops and book clubs, her social calendar stitched together with elegance. She networks effortlessly, the kind of person who knows exactly which restaurant is the place to be. She curates her life like a well-balanced canvas—color, texture, movement.
She takes her teenage boys camping, just the three of them, navigating the wilderness as if it were second nature. She’s newly credentialed, stepping into the role of educator after years of tending to home and family. She listens to podcasts while she gardens, her days full in a way that feels organic and earned.
She homeschools her child but frequently steps away for weeklong solo retreats. Her husband steps in seamlessly. A mom close by. Space is something she takes without guilt, without negotiation.
She is a force in the corporate world—flights to London and New York, meetings in high-rise offices, an unshakable thirst to succeed. Her pre-teen daughters see her move through her world with precision, ambition, certainty.
I watch them all—women in my social circle on their own different journeys, our paths intersecting because of our children’s.
The Invitations That Come Without Pressure
There are friends who invite with an expectation—a hope that I will say yes. And then, there are friends who invite knowing I won’t, and ask anyway, without pressure, without agenda.
The ones who say, “We missed you,” and mean it sincerely, not as a judgment. The ones who don’t push, because they understand that my absence is not a rejection of them—just as their organizing these events is not a rejection of me.
The ones who see me, even when I’m not there.
My deepest friendships don’t happen in groups. Not on group hikes, not at book clubs, not during networking events.
They happen in the quiet spaces.
A voice memo sent at 10:42 p.m. that says, “I was just thinking of you.”
A long text thread that starts as “Do you know if the girls have theater practice this Wednesday?” and spirals into something profound.
A spontaneous coffee date that lasts three hours because it turns out there was more to say than either of us realized.
Those are the friendships that sustain me. The ones that don’t require performance or preparation. The ones where presence is felt, even when we aren’t physically together.
The Moment I Thought I Needed Proof
As a newly-minted mom and homemaker, I used to wonder if friendships could only be formed by attending more gatherings, showing up for school auctions, going on those parent-coordinated picnics. And for years, I thought I should try harder.
Because isn’t that what connection is supposed to look like?
We’re taught that belonging happens in groups. That friendship is about a steady stream of RSVPs, clinking glasses, making the same painting at the Wine ‘n Paint workshops for gal pals. That the people with the fullest social calendars have the fullest lives.
And maybe once, I believed that, too. Back when I had a “proper” career. Back when happy hours were the proof of participation. They were never enjoyable—forced small talk over overpriced drinks, the mandatory fun that came with career growth.
Because if you didn’t go, you were a loner. And if you were a loner, you were forgettable. And if you were forgettable, you weren’t moving up the proverbial ladder.
So you went. You showed up. You smiled. You stayed just long enough to make it count. A hamster wheel.
And then—motherhood—the kind that demand 100% of me.
No external markers of participation in any network to prove I still mattered.
That’s when the proof-seeking began.
The mom dinners. The birthday party circuits. The playgroup coffee meetups. The women I knew did this so effortlessly—sashaying in and out of these circles, staying up late at dinners that stretched into the night, planning weekends away together.
I wanted to want it, because deep down, I wasn’t just chasing connection. I was chasing proof.
Proof that I was part of something.
Proof that I was included.
Proof that I mattered.
If I didn’t go, would I still belong? If I didn’t show up, would I still be seen?
We are conditioned to believe that presence is validation. That without it, we will be forgotten.
So I kept thinking: Maybe next time.
There was an MNO—one that happened every month, all through my daughter’s preschool and elementary school years. I always meant to go. Sometimes I even said yes. And then, finally, one night when my daughter was eight, I went. Nothing pulled me away.
And yet, sitting there, in the low-lit hum of the restaurant, I felt a strange, quiet realization.
I had wanted this Mom’s Night Out to mean something. I had wanted it to be the thing that made me feel more connected, more part of it all.
But instead, it felt … unfulfilling.
I No Longer Need Proof
The irony, in my case, is that I’m seen as a social butterfly. The kind of person who can talk to anyone, make people laugh, be the life of the party.
My jokes land hard no matter the group.
I move easily in conversation, adapt, blend, belong—for a night. I can be charming in any room.
But how many of those people would notice my absence a month later? How many of them would say yes if I called them for coffee after a long silence? I can count them on one hand.
Because real connection isn’t built on shared laughter alone.
It’s built on the friendships that exist in silence. The friendships where I don’t have to fill space with stories or jokes or presence to matter.
The ones that hold, even in distance.
And so I move in this world now without a need for proof, without a need to feel validated by a group, without a need to feel I belong.
The Contentment Question
This isn’t about introversion versus extroversion, or productivity versus laziness anymore. It’s about recognizing that fulfillment follows no prescribed path—and that contentment might be the most countercultural choice in a world that worships motion.
I don’t feel left out. I do not crave what they have.
Last Tuesday, I spent an hour watching the light change across my kitchen wall. Not meditating. Not practicing mindfulness. Just noticing. In those moments, with my pup propped on my leg, I felt a fullness that no scheduled activity has ever provided me.
Time dissolved. The world moved, and we stayed still. We were present and yet detached. There was no need to be anywhere, with anyone.
I grew up with silence—an only child who let herself in after school and spent four hours alone every day all the way to college. It never felt lonely.
But every so often, I wonder what it would feel like to say yes.
What if I drove 45 minutes into the city on a weekend night, dressed appropriately, made small talk, discussed a book I didn’t need to discuss?
We see the world as we are, not as it is, so the conversation would be layered with perspectives that don’t necessarily shift my own.
I realize—I’d rather be curled up on my couch with some chamomile tea, reading in solitude.
The Pressure of Participation
We’ve built a society that conflates busyness with worth. Social media feeds showcase carefully curated moments of engagement—workshops attended, mountains climbed, connections made.
Success is measured in accomplishments, in experiences collected like souvenirs. The algorithm doesn’t reward the quiet Tuesday afternoon, the simple pleasure of watching dust motes dance in sunlight, the joy of a day without documentation.
I notice how these pressures land differently on women.
We’re expected to be everything at once—ambitious yet nurturing, successful yet available, independent yet connected.
Even rest, in today’s world, is curated into something structured.
Self-care retreats. Wellness routines. Guided mindfulness sessions. Everything must be something. Everything must be accounted for.
It’s funny, isn’t it?
How we’ve come to need facilitators for something as innate as stillness. How we look to others to teach us how to pause, to permit us to slow down.
It’s what I do, after all—guide others toward creative presence, help them reclaim a sense of ease. And yet, I can’t help but question how we came to this point where we struggle to be our own guides.
The Space Between Us All
Perhaps, we need each other precisely because we are different.
The friends who hike on weekends create something I cannot—community spaces, shared memories, the energy of collective experience.
And I create something they cannot—the quiet witness, the one who listens without agenda, the friend who has space for the deeper conversations that happen one-on-one.
We balance each other.
They pull the world together; I create the space where it can fall apart safely.
They build the momentum; I offer the pause.
They weave the social fabric; I mend its individual threads.
Perhaps, this is why they keep inviting me, even knowing I’ll likely decline. Perhaps, this is why I keep cherishing them, even as I choose a different path.
Because in the end, we aren’t just noticing our differences—we’re quietly celebrating them.
Each of us living authentically creates permission for others to do the same.
XOXO,
Mansi.
Mansi,
Beautiful message and beautiful art. I slowed down with your art pieces. The softness of blending colors both warm and cool did something magical to my brain. I especially loved the one with the heart floating in the sky.
Do you have a portfolio of your art? I would love to see you share more images of these in Notes with a short quote from you.
Sending you ❤️❤️❤️ from Indiana!
Nodding my head as I read this, Mansi. I am now more selective about social engagement. I’m trying to alternate a week of solitude with a week of appointments & social interaction. So far, so good. Love to be content in stillness & creativity.