First, the photo with the little heart between you both - and this was before everyone deliberately made hearts out of their joined fingers!
Second, I read recently that sensitive artists tend to connect well with engineers. I'm not sure what your Myers-Briggs Type Indicator is, but mine is INFJ. And so much of your self-description about how insecure you felt and reserved, I felt exactly the same way. Also, I am a sensitive artist like you are, and my husband is an engineer like yours is.
Third, Ben and I also had a long- distance relationship! We met on a dating website in 2006, long before smartphones and apps existed. He was living and working in New Mexico, and I was a grad student in Indiana. Over the course of not quite a year, we traveled back and forth to see each other and finally married. I tell people it was a courtship more than dating.
Fourth, your story here reminds me of a Modern Love column, especially regarding the cultural expectations placed upon you by your family of origin. I wonder if you've ever considered writing with the intention of pitching to the NYT for this column?
Fifth, I also believe in synchronicity! And I'm seeing more and more overlay between your story and mine.
I feel such connection with you, on so many levels. I was neither planned nor wanted as a child, to the point that my family's doctor offered to adopt me. (What really shocked me was my mother's willingness to tell me about the adoption offer, when I was still in grade school.) My grandmother, who lived with us, never missed an opportunity to remind me of how much a second child had cost my father, how much work I caused her, and how my birth had damaged my mother's health, resulting in yet more medical bills my father couldn't afford to pay. Scant wonder that I couldn't wait to leave my parents' home, the town where I grew up and everything involved in my childhood.
Decades later, my then husband and I and our children moved to Des Moines, where he had a good job at a local hospital. What I didn't know was that he also had not one, but three girlfriends at the hospital - one from each work shift. Within a few years, my marriage was over and it felt like my entire family was falling apart. Then, in 1997, I met someone online, and we started to get to know each other. He had deep roots in Iowa City, and we spent a lot of time there. I can't help wondering if I ever saw you there during your time at the U of I. He and I are still together. Meeting him and taking a chance on creating a new relationship is the best thing I ever did. But it was incredibly random. We're a most unlikely couple. And yet, we're not. As you say, there are really no accidents in life.
Wow! Such a powerful testament to your courage, Dena. It breaks my heart to hear about the challenges you faced growing up and I can empathize with the loneliness and those feelings of wanting to fly the coop as soon as possible! I'm also sorry about your experiences with marriage ... but you persisted and you turned things around, perhaps with a little help from the universe :) I'm so happy for you and your partner. It sounds like you've found your soulmate, someone who appreciates and cherishes you for the incredible woman you are. Your story gives me hope that even after the darkest of times, love and happiness can still blossom. Thank you so much for sharing and the reminder to never take the love and support I have in my life for granted.
Ok, I have a TON of thoughts here.
First, the photo with the little heart between you both - and this was before everyone deliberately made hearts out of their joined fingers!
Second, I read recently that sensitive artists tend to connect well with engineers. I'm not sure what your Myers-Briggs Type Indicator is, but mine is INFJ. And so much of your self-description about how insecure you felt and reserved, I felt exactly the same way. Also, I am a sensitive artist like you are, and my husband is an engineer like yours is.
Third, Ben and I also had a long- distance relationship! We met on a dating website in 2006, long before smartphones and apps existed. He was living and working in New Mexico, and I was a grad student in Indiana. Over the course of not quite a year, we traveled back and forth to see each other and finally married. I tell people it was a courtship more than dating.
Fourth, your story here reminds me of a Modern Love column, especially regarding the cultural expectations placed upon you by your family of origin. I wonder if you've ever considered writing with the intention of pitching to the NYT for this column?
Fifth, I also believe in synchronicity! And I'm seeing more and more overlay between your story and mine.
Wow! I’m just smiling. We have a lot to talk about 😍
I feel such connection with you, on so many levels. I was neither planned nor wanted as a child, to the point that my family's doctor offered to adopt me. (What really shocked me was my mother's willingness to tell me about the adoption offer, when I was still in grade school.) My grandmother, who lived with us, never missed an opportunity to remind me of how much a second child had cost my father, how much work I caused her, and how my birth had damaged my mother's health, resulting in yet more medical bills my father couldn't afford to pay. Scant wonder that I couldn't wait to leave my parents' home, the town where I grew up and everything involved in my childhood.
Decades later, my then husband and I and our children moved to Des Moines, where he had a good job at a local hospital. What I didn't know was that he also had not one, but three girlfriends at the hospital - one from each work shift. Within a few years, my marriage was over and it felt like my entire family was falling apart. Then, in 1997, I met someone online, and we started to get to know each other. He had deep roots in Iowa City, and we spent a lot of time there. I can't help wondering if I ever saw you there during your time at the U of I. He and I are still together. Meeting him and taking a chance on creating a new relationship is the best thing I ever did. But it was incredibly random. We're a most unlikely couple. And yet, we're not. As you say, there are really no accidents in life.
Wow! Such a powerful testament to your courage, Dena. It breaks my heart to hear about the challenges you faced growing up and I can empathize with the loneliness and those feelings of wanting to fly the coop as soon as possible! I'm also sorry about your experiences with marriage ... but you persisted and you turned things around, perhaps with a little help from the universe :) I'm so happy for you and your partner. It sounds like you've found your soulmate, someone who appreciates and cherishes you for the incredible woman you are. Your story gives me hope that even after the darkest of times, love and happiness can still blossom. Thank you so much for sharing and the reminder to never take the love and support I have in my life for granted.