In that vulnerable moment, I realized that self-love isn't about grand proclamations or a perfectly curated list.
It's about acknowledging our worth, even when it feels uncomfortable.
It's about recognizing the light within us, however faint it may seem at times.
We, as women, often find ourselves caught in the delicate balance of celebrating our strengths while remaining humble.
The simple act of recognizing our own worth can feel like navigating a minefield of self-doubt and societal expectations.
But, as you can see, the struggle with self-love is universal, even though I may come across as confident and accomplished to you.
We place immense pressure on ourselves to excel in every aspect of our lives.
We're mothers, partners, professionals, creatives, and so much more.
Amidst the whirlwind of responsibilities, we often neglect the most important relationship of all – the one with ourselves.
It's no wonder that when asked to identify our positive qualities, we hesitate, second-guess, and grapple with feelings of discomfort.
As I gazed back at these pre-teens, I mustered up an imperfectly articulated response: "Right now, I think what I love about myself is my curiosity, my resilience, my sense of humor, my empathy, and my creativity."
My daughter responded with, "Really? Your sense of humor?"
Ha. Ha.
It was great to hear them talk about themselves after I set the framework within which to self-reflect.
Their answers were genuine but also lighthearted... something I hope they hang on to in their turbulent teens.
So, how do we – grown-up women who have long struggled with articulating self-love – start a practice now in our mid-lives that cuts through the noise?
How do we teach ourselves, and the young women around us, to embrace their inherent worth?
Here are a few tips to gently guide you – and me – on this journey:
1. Practice self-compassion: Approach yourself with the same kindness, gentleness, and understanding you'd offer a cherished friend. Acknowledge your imperfections and mistakes, but don't dwell on them.
2. Celebrate your wins, big and small: Take moments to acknowledge and appreciate both your grand achievements and the seemingly small victories. Honor your growth, progress, and milestones. Allow yourself to bask in the pride of your efforts and acknowledge the challenges you've courageously navigated.
3. Prioritize self-care: Recognize the importance of prioritizing self-care in your life. Engage in activities that bring you genuine joy and replenishment. Whether it's immersing yourself in a captivating book, indulging in a warm and soothing bath, pursuing a creative passion, or finding solace in nature, make time for yourself.
4. Challenge negative self-talk: Replace self-criticism with positive affirmations. Remind yourself of your strengths and capabilities. Pay mindful attention to the dialogue you have with yourself, and gently challenge any negative self-talk that arises. When negative thoughts surface, practice mindfulness to observe them non-judgmentally, allowing them to pass without defining who you are.
5. Surround yourself with positive influences: Seek out relationships that encourage personal growth and provide a sense of belonging. If that doesn't come easily, don't force it. I've found books to be amazing companions – and dogs too!
As I sit here, wrapping up this post, I find myself grappling with that familiar feeling of vulnerability.
You know, the one that whispers, "Are you sure you want to share this? What if they think you're just fishing for compliments?"
But then I remember why I started writing in the first place – to connect, to share, to maybe help someone feel a little less alone in their struggles.
The truth is, I'm still on this journey of self-love, just like you.
Some days, I can list a dozen things I love about myself without hesitation.
Other days, I struggle to find even one.
And you know what? That's okay.
We're all works in progress, constantly evolving, learning, and growing.
So, my dear friend, I want to leave you with this thought:
What if, just for today, we chose to be a little kinder to ourselves?
What if we looked in the mirror and, instead of focusing on what we want to change, we acknowledged one thing we love?
It doesn't have to be grand.
Maybe it's the way your eyes crinkle when you laugh, or how you always remember your friend's birthdays, or the resilience you've shown in facing life's challenges.
I'll go first.
Today, I love my ability to put thoughts into words and share them with you.
It's not always easy, but it's authentically me.
Now it's your turn.
What do you love about yourself today? It can be big, small, silly, or profound.
P.S. If you're struggling to find something you love about yourself today, know that I already admire your courage in showing up, in reading this, in trying.
Great read! Thank you. I am trying really hard to work on my self discovery, but it has its challenges. I just don’t know where to start.
What I do like about myself is the willingness to try different things. I get very passionate and dive in full force. Sometimes good and sometimes not so good. But I keep going.
That is HUGE, Sandi! To know that you like exploring new things and that you don't give up. I love that you love this about yourself. And I know it's hard ... there's so much social conditioning around self-critique, looking in the mirror and finding flaws, being humble not braggy ... but I'm realizing as a mom, and role model, I have to challenge this way of thinking. And it's helping me see myself in a new light. Takes a while, my friend, but I think you've already started down this path of self-love and I applaud you for that!
What a great question… What do I love about myself? So, to discover the answer, I will go to my journal and fill out five reasons what I actually love about myself. Thank you so much for this absolutely fabulous prompt! ❤️♥️❤️
Right now, I think what I love about myself is my strength to keep moving toward what I want, even if I tell myself it’s ok not to get it. My persistence in knowing I do want it. My sense of humor because I love to make people laugh, including myself. My connection to animals and my creativity, even though it eludes me sometimes.
Dear Renee, Thank you for sharing such a heartfelt reflection on the qualities you love about yourself. I am so appreciative of your self-awareness and your ability to articulate the little and big pieces that make you uniquely you! As for creativity, trust me, it hasn't been a constant companion to me either but I have found that our minds are almost always quietly processing, making subtle connections ... and if we embrace the lull, our heart almost always finds a way to surprise us. In the apparent stillness, there is magic brewing :) Thank you, again, for making the time to read and for celebrating your self.
I appreciate the back and forth, the vulnerable sharing, the forging of real connections in what seems like a sea of perfectly-curated lives in endlessly scrollable feeds. Thank you for being here and for being you.
Thanks for that. So, I do love my sense of humor. This almost sounds like a disclaimer but I grew up listening to Dr Demento & Weird Al Yankovic so it tends to be dark, dry, and a bit morbid. However I do love Dad jokes and puns. Is this what you're looking for, a description or just a list? This introspection is quite interesting.
I love this, Jeanne! You're starting to identify what makes you uniquely you and why :) The reason I shared this as a post was because it made me think ... not just in the moment but even after ... but I had to think HARD and that's what I want to challenge all of us to do. Whether you're making a list or writing down details, it's. up to you, but cataloging what you love about yourself, from your own perspective, without self-critique and judgment is the most important thing. And revisiting the list/description every now and then to see what more you can add :)
Great read! Thank you. I am trying really hard to work on my self discovery, but it has its challenges. I just don’t know where to start.
What I do like about myself is the willingness to try different things. I get very passionate and dive in full force. Sometimes good and sometimes not so good. But I keep going.
Thanks again!
That is HUGE, Sandi! To know that you like exploring new things and that you don't give up. I love that you love this about yourself. And I know it's hard ... there's so much social conditioning around self-critique, looking in the mirror and finding flaws, being humble not braggy ... but I'm realizing as a mom, and role model, I have to challenge this way of thinking. And it's helping me see myself in a new light. Takes a while, my friend, but I think you've already started down this path of self-love and I applaud you for that!
What a great question… What do I love about myself? So, to discover the answer, I will go to my journal and fill out five reasons what I actually love about myself. Thank you so much for this absolutely fabulous prompt! ❤️♥️❤️
Thanks so much for taking the time to reflect and journal, Gretchen. It's definitely a question that gave me pause :)
Right now, I think what I love about myself is my strength to keep moving toward what I want, even if I tell myself it’s ok not to get it. My persistence in knowing I do want it. My sense of humor because I love to make people laugh, including myself. My connection to animals and my creativity, even though it eludes me sometimes.
Dear Renee, Thank you for sharing such a heartfelt reflection on the qualities you love about yourself. I am so appreciative of your self-awareness and your ability to articulate the little and big pieces that make you uniquely you! As for creativity, trust me, it hasn't been a constant companion to me either but I have found that our minds are almost always quietly processing, making subtle connections ... and if we embrace the lull, our heart almost always finds a way to surprise us. In the apparent stillness, there is magic brewing :) Thank you, again, for making the time to read and for celebrating your self.
I absolutely agree. And thank you for putting such thoughtful content out there. I look forward to your next posts.
I appreciate the back and forth, the vulnerable sharing, the forging of real connections in what seems like a sea of perfectly-curated lives in endlessly scrollable feeds. Thank you for being here and for being you.
Ditto
Thanks for the question. I've been mulling it around for a bit now.
I hope you find some answers for yourself ... because I KNOW there are so many things to love about you :)
Thanks for that. So, I do love my sense of humor. This almost sounds like a disclaimer but I grew up listening to Dr Demento & Weird Al Yankovic so it tends to be dark, dry, and a bit morbid. However I do love Dad jokes and puns. Is this what you're looking for, a description or just a list? This introspection is quite interesting.
I love this, Jeanne! You're starting to identify what makes you uniquely you and why :) The reason I shared this as a post was because it made me think ... not just in the moment but even after ... but I had to think HARD and that's what I want to challenge all of us to do. Whether you're making a list or writing down details, it's. up to you, but cataloging what you love about yourself, from your own perspective, without self-critique and judgment is the most important thing. And revisiting the list/description every now and then to see what more you can add :)